After another March snow delay (that’s 3 years in a row), the Bad Golfers Association finally got its 27th season started with the ceremonial passing of The Simian Award from the 2015 winner (The Snowman) to 2016’s champion, Commish. Just to avoid confusion, that’s The Snowman on the left, not in the center.
Each year there is tremendous anticipation as to (1) who will be the first to fail to cross the road on the infamous Road Hole; (2) who will score the first snowman of the year (an 8); (3) the first par; (4) first birdie; and, of course (5) the first double digit (a Pavoratti-10, Streckfus-11, or worse). By the end of the third hole all but the birdie question had been answered.
After a mighty season-opening swing by Mr. Fifteen we were off and running. The Snowman crossed the road on the second bounce but rolled back down into the road and his ball was last seen heading towards Hillen Road, never to be played again. Scratch #1 off the checklist. A few more bad shots and a three putts later, Frosty was in with a Streckfus…scratch #5 off. Mr. FourSkin’s putter was evidently still rusty from its long winter snooze and after another 3-putt on Hole #1 we had our first snowman of the year. Scratch #2 off the list. To everyone surprise, The Snowman jumped up on Hole #3 and recorded the first par on 2017 to be followed one shot later by a par from Mr. FourSkin, too little, too late for recognition. Scratch off #3. Now, after three rounds, we still are waiting to see who gets the first birdie. Oh well, 4 out of 5 categories check after just 3 holes, not too shabby; or maybe it is way too shabby and that’s why they are checked off. It gets so confusing trying to make lemonade out of what the BGA gives me to work with.
Despite a handicap that has flatlined at 20 strokes for 9 holes, The Snowman is enjoying quaffing down many beers so far this season as he and whoever his teammate has been, keep on winning the team beer each week. This added to his low net in each of the first 2 weeks (he missed out by a single stroke of winning 3 in a row yesterday), has Frosty atop the Beer Standings with a comfortable 5 beers to 2 for Mr. FourSkin and Commish, and a single beer in Mr. Fifteen’s glass.
Maybe soon the aeration holes on the greens and the bare fairways will fill in and then we will really see just what The Bad Golfers Association is capable of. The Scribe really didn’t end that sentence with a preposition, did he?